In order to illustrate that, below are two pictures of the odious David Barker – aspirational federal member for bigotry and ignorance.

Someone feed that man

Casting calls for Star Wars 7

Barker has been disendorsed – and rightly so – by the Liberal party as a direct result of his bigoted comments about atheists and Muslims.

http://www.news.com.au/features/federal-election/revealed-liberal-candidate-david-barkers-anti-muslim-campaign/story-fn5taogy-1225896534232

The disgraceful Barker describes himself as a “man of strong Christian faith”, and, in a state of apparent psychotic delusion suggested that he was “going to win this seat… claim it as mine and when I get in I will give my votes all of them to God who is on the side of the Liberal Right”.

He then went on to accuse non-Christians of “worshipping a false god”, attacking Julia Gillard for being an “atheist” and his opponent Ed Husic, for being a  “strong Moslem”.

At the same time, he described federal Liberal leader, Tony Abbott as “God’s mouthpiece in politics” before going on to say “I don’t believe God would have called me to run in this seat if he didn’t expect me to win,”

Clearly this man is delusional, a clear case for atheism if I have ever seen one. Perhaps he isn’t to blame however, he looks like he is merely half a chromosome away from being burdened with Down Syndrome.

It is hard to take someone seriously when they mention an Invisible Sky Monkey at the best of times, but when someone then goes on to say things like:

“I vote for freedom of worship if the worship is of Jesus Christ or The Jewish God anyone else well they are worshipping a false god anyway so who cares.”

“Voting should only be voluntary for Liberal and National voters the rest can not bother since with every vote they bring the nation closer to the brink of disaster and closer to the hands of a (sic)muslim country.”

“Someone get me into parliament … and watch me go. They will see my talent as the voice of … God himself.”

… it is obvious that there is something not quite right in the rats nest of synapses that they call a “brain”.

To summarise what this clown has said:

• An Invisible Sky Monkey speaks to him
• His Invisible Sky Monkey is the only real Invisible Sky Monkey
• Freedom is ok, so long as it is the kind of freedom that he approves of
• Only people who subscribe to his extreme views should be allowed to vote

It is scary that such a warped, delusional and bigoted individual was ever endorsed by a major political party in the first place. I could understand those twisted clowns at Family First or the CDP running with such an ignorant candidate, even putting him up on a pedestal and plastering Australia with posters of his deluded visage – but the Liberals?

A cynic might suggest that this kind of bottom feeding, disgusting individual; is exactly the kind of person who appeals to the traditional “aspirational” Liberal heartland (those inherent racists who don’t make enough money to be a Liberal voter though have delusions of grandeur and hope to one day be able to afford a bottle, not a cask of wine) – though one must give kudos to the “muscular Catholic”, the “mad monk”, Tony Abbott for the swift punishment that he dished out to the detestable Barker.

He was disendorsed and Abbot said: he is “gone, he’s finished”. “Attacks on people based on their religion have no place in this election campaign,”

A reasonably brave move given that he is running against an atheist and risks alienating the Christian right… actually, what the fuck am I saying, the Christian right are rusted on conservative voters come hell or high water. Still, I have to give credit where it is due, and Abbott is either maturing as a leader and a human being during this campaign or has some very talented advisors grooming him 24×7.

At the heart of the issue though is something that the slug like Barker himself raised:

‘But I don’t know if we want at this stage in Australian politics a Muslim in the parliament and an atheist running the government.’

Of course, a fundamentalist Christian is in a much better position to tell us what we can and can’t do in both our public and private life, because the one true god speaks to him and is on his side.

Religion has no place in politics, be it Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Sikhism, Scientology or any other kind of paranormal whackiness. Politics should always be based on pragmatism, logic and reason – what is best for the people no matter what their creed.

Odious, bigoted, ignorant, detestable cretins like David Barker have no place in our political landscape (or in civilised society) and we, one and all, atheist, Christian, Muslim, Jew, humanist, Hindu, Sikh, worshipper of the Flying Spaghetti Monster alike; should unite to ensure that these vile human beings are never afforded a position of power in our society.

Some people claim that a Mexican gardener speaks to them.

Others still, assert that this (strangely Anglo looking, based on “artists impressions”) 2010 year old Jewish zombie asks them to do naughty things and vilify others in his name.

Well… they don’t actually have their own personal Jesus.

I do.

I don’t have much need for keys.

I live in a world of fingerprint and retinal scanners, swipe cards and security codes. I only possess two keys.

Still, they are important keys.

I have, for as long as I can remember; had a problem with losing and misplacing my two keys.

In the past two months however, I have never once misplaced them, lost them, been unable to find them or forgotten them.

The reason is thus:

Two months ago, a good friend of mine went to America -- land of the giant Jesus, where over half the population have a personal relationship with this wizard from ancient times.

America is the Mecca for Christians really. Creationism is rife, you can’t get elected to public office unless you speak to the invisible sky monkey (all credit to The Princess of Yesterday for that -- even though it angers my winged monkeys), there are excellent public services such as being able to write letters to heathens for them to read when The Rapture comes and you are whisked away to fellate angels on a cloud somewhere…

It is, I am told, a wondrous place.

Anyway, when my friend came back, he came back bearing gifts (and no, he is not Greek).

My swag of goodies included a poster of Chairman Mao and a Jesus keyring.

The Good Chairman was immediately framed and hung centrally in my lounge room…

Fuck me, that was spooky, as I write this, the haggard old woman on The Catherine Tate show mentioned Chairman Mao… god moves in mysterious ways.

Well fuck me twice… the next skit on the show just paraphrased a tweet from the aforementioned Princess of Yesterday -- “footprints on the heart”.

I think that Jesus *is* speaking to me… mind you the prick hasn’t given me the Powerball numbers yet.

Anyway, before I meander too far off track -- they were very thoughtful gifts, the kind that someone who has taken the time to get to know you, but loves a good wind up would give.

After hanging the Chairman up, I strung Jesus… er, attached my keys to the Plastic Saviour.

It isn’t just any plastic saviour -- it has a button that; when pressed, allows a bright light to shine out from ‘neath his robes. It is the kind of light I imagine that people see when they are dying and their brain is starved of oxygen.

It is most useful at times.

To get to the point though, ever since I affixed my keys to my own personal Jesus, I haven’t once misplaced them, never lost them, never forgotten them.

It is almost as if Plastic Jesus is my keys shepherd and they shall not want.

Whilst this trinket hasn’t yet made me lie down in pastures green, it has often lead me by quiet waters and never once abandoned me.

This has given me pause for thought, perhaps the zombie Jewish Mexican gardener cum carpenter who speaks to others is trying to speak to me.

Perhaps he is constructing some kind of living metaphor for me -- that where as once my keys were lost, now they are found; and, whilst he watches over them, never again shall they meander aimlessly through life…

It is all very confusing to me and I must confess (with thanks to The Catholic Church) that I am not waving but drowning.

Perhaps this is a sign.

Perhaps I have been chosen.

Perhaps soon I shall be given my sacred mission.

Perhaps I will reach out and touch faith…