Tens of thousands of fat, educated, ignorant Americans party in the streets chanting “USA USA USA” when an Arab is killed – it is a joyous day and the media feast merrily on the triumph of good over evil.

Thousands of impoverished, uneducated Arabs chant something about Allah and fire guns into the air when the death of an American is announced and it is condemned as savagery.

Am I missing something?

Not quite sure who has killed more innocents actually, Americans or Osama.

Let’s conduct the first ever* twitter exit poll this coming Saturday at the Australian Federal Election.

The concept is simple.

Grab your ballot papers, fill them in and snap off a shot on your mobile and then twitpic or yfrog it (or whatever pic service you use).

Add the hashtags #exitpoll #ausvotes to the tweet and see if we can call the election based on the “twexit” poll before Jabba (@laurieoakes), @latikambourke, Kerry O’Brien and the likes.

Additionally, add the hashtag #ALP, #LIB, #GRN or #OTR (other) based on who you gave your first choice preference or only vote to.

This is only for the house of reps – the senate would be too tricky

Twitter always tends to deliver the news more swiftly than the traditional channels (it was first to report the knifing of the despicable Rudd after all) – with your help, perhaps we can be the first to call this election and really annoy those snooty journalists who giggle at their own terrible puns, hashtags and jokes on twitter

To make it easy – simply copy and paste in the below 140chars into a tweet of your own – spread the word, let us declare victory for The Mad Monk or The Ranga Queen before O’brien, Oakes, Martin, Richo or any of those clods.

Twitter exit poll – be the first to call the result of #ausvotes | be part of a world first |  http://bit.ly/bwyRmI #exitpoll

The twitter exit poll experiment

*may not actually be the first ever twitter exit poll

In order to illustrate that, below are two pictures of the odious David Barker – aspirational federal member for bigotry and ignorance.

Someone feed that man

Casting calls for Star Wars 7

Barker has been disendorsed – and rightly so – by the Liberal party as a direct result of his bigoted comments about atheists and Muslims.

http://www.news.com.au/features/federal-election/revealed-liberal-candidate-david-barkers-anti-muslim-campaign/story-fn5taogy-1225896534232

The disgraceful Barker describes himself as a “man of strong Christian faith”, and, in a state of apparent psychotic delusion suggested that he was “going to win this seat… claim it as mine and when I get in I will give my votes all of them to God who is on the side of the Liberal Right”.

He then went on to accuse non-Christians of “worshipping a false god”, attacking Julia Gillard for being an “atheist” and his opponent Ed Husic, for being a  “strong Moslem”.

At the same time, he described federal Liberal leader, Tony Abbott as “God’s mouthpiece in politics” before going on to say “I don’t believe God would have called me to run in this seat if he didn’t expect me to win,”

Clearly this man is delusional, a clear case for atheism if I have ever seen one. Perhaps he isn’t to blame however, he looks like he is merely half a chromosome away from being burdened with Down Syndrome.

It is hard to take someone seriously when they mention an Invisible Sky Monkey at the best of times, but when someone then goes on to say things like:

“I vote for freedom of worship if the worship is of Jesus Christ or The Jewish God anyone else well they are worshipping a false god anyway so who cares.”

“Voting should only be voluntary for Liberal and National voters the rest can not bother since with every vote they bring the nation closer to the brink of disaster and closer to the hands of a (sic)muslim country.”

“Someone get me into parliament … and watch me go. They will see my talent as the voice of … God himself.”

… it is obvious that there is something not quite right in the rats nest of synapses that they call a “brain”.

To summarise what this clown has said:

• An Invisible Sky Monkey speaks to him
• His Invisible Sky Monkey is the only real Invisible Sky Monkey
• Freedom is ok, so long as it is the kind of freedom that he approves of
• Only people who subscribe to his extreme views should be allowed to vote

It is scary that such a warped, delusional and bigoted individual was ever endorsed by a major political party in the first place. I could understand those twisted clowns at Family First or the CDP running with such an ignorant candidate, even putting him up on a pedestal and plastering Australia with posters of his deluded visage – but the Liberals?

A cynic might suggest that this kind of bottom feeding, disgusting individual; is exactly the kind of person who appeals to the traditional “aspirational” Liberal heartland (those inherent racists who don’t make enough money to be a Liberal voter though have delusions of grandeur and hope to one day be able to afford a bottle, not a cask of wine) – though one must give kudos to the “muscular Catholic”, the “mad monk”, Tony Abbott for the swift punishment that he dished out to the detestable Barker.

He was disendorsed and Abbot said: he is “gone, he’s finished”. “Attacks on people based on their religion have no place in this election campaign,”

A reasonably brave move given that he is running against an atheist and risks alienating the Christian right… actually, what the fuck am I saying, the Christian right are rusted on conservative voters come hell or high water. Still, I have to give credit where it is due, and Abbott is either maturing as a leader and a human being during this campaign or has some very talented advisors grooming him 24×7.

At the heart of the issue though is something that the slug like Barker himself raised:

‘But I don’t know if we want at this stage in Australian politics a Muslim in the parliament and an atheist running the government.’

Of course, a fundamentalist Christian is in a much better position to tell us what we can and can’t do in both our public and private life, because the one true god speaks to him and is on his side.

Religion has no place in politics, be it Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Sikhism, Scientology or any other kind of paranormal whackiness. Politics should always be based on pragmatism, logic and reason – what is best for the people no matter what their creed.

Odious, bigoted, ignorant, detestable cretins like David Barker have no place in our political landscape (or in civilised society) and we, one and all, atheist, Christian, Muslim, Jew, humanist, Hindu, Sikh, worshipper of the Flying Spaghetti Monster alike; should unite to ensure that these vile human beings are never afforded a position of power in our society.

I was inspired to write this little rant after having read this hilarious piece by “Pastor” Daniel Nalliah:

Religious nutter claims Australia is doomed because we have an atheist PM

Two screws loose and a microphone

Now you would be forgiven for thinking that the above link is a pisstake, but unfortunately; it isn’t.

Strangely though, I find myself appreciating the unprecedented audience that the Internet in its current form gives the religious nutters.

They, better than any atheist – Dawkins and Hitchens included – provide a potent deterrent to those wavering in their “faith” or those considering absconding from reason.

They also do a better job of parodying religious belief than the likes of the wonderful people over at Landover Baptist

The fellow who wrote the article on that site is also the fellow who claimed that his god murdered people in  bushfires throughout Australia. The reason? Because he was angry with homosexuals.

This fraud then goes on to say:

“Then we stretched our hands over federal parliament and prayed for ungodly leaders in parliament to be removed and righteousness to be restored”

“Many Christian Leaders believed that Kevin Rudd was God’s man for the hour and promoted him as many Christians voted for Labor in that election.   Unfortunately, due to a lack of spiritual discernment by much of the Church , Kevin Rudd was elected as PM.  He was not God’s choice, but the people’s choice.  God gave the people what they asked for”

Yes with a maybe, no with a but.

Preach to me, preach to me now - 1902 GODHATESFAGS

This kind of rubbish, the “it is god’s will” or the “he is omniscient but gives us choice” type argument is not only illogical, but it makes it impossible to have a reasoned, logical conversation with anyone of religious belief.

Those of us who have engaged in debate or discussion with fundamentalists know that it can be frustrating – and is, indeed, ultimately a waste of one’s time.

It isn’t just the fundamentalists though, that it is pointless attempting to discuss “faith” rationally with.

Faith, by its very nature, is incompatible with reason.

Why? For many reasons, but one of them is:

Because there is always a caveat.

In the case of Nalliah, his twisted caveat invokes free choice in the face of omniscience.

He is loathe to admit that when he and his deluded friends talk to their imaginary friend, nothing more than a reinforcement of their own delusions is achieved – yet who is he to question the whims and fancy of this all knowing, all wise sky pixie?

Instead of admitting that he is delusional, or that he is – point blank wrong – it is so much easier to invoke the tired old cliché of “god works in mysterious ways”, or “he is testing his people”.

Put simply:

• - Nalliah and his deluded flock prayed that the godless heathens would be removed from power
• - The most pious and piously arrogant Prime Minister we have ever had assumed office
• - Said PM, Kevin Rudd – conducted pressers from his church every Sunday morning
• - Said overtly pious PM was replaced by, gods forbid, an atheist (and a woman – let not that significance go unnoticed)
• - Ergo, Kevin Rudd was a tool of Satan and has been replaced by a heathen who will lead all Australians toward a fiery pit unless they vote for the fundamentalist Catholic Tony “The Mad Monk” Abbott

This is his god’s plan.

Nalliah is obviously missing several vital synapses in the rats nest that he indulgently calls a brain, but how is he any different than the “moderate” believers who cherry pick from the bible citing such inanities as “well, it is an anecdote, a message on how to live your life”.

No.

You either take the bible chapter and verse or you don’t take it at all.

At least fruitcakes like Nalliah and his flock have the courage of their insane convictions and completely ignore modern science, wisdom, proof, evidence and logic in favour of the superstitions of ignorant shepherds of aeons past.

The worst kind of believer is he or she who decides instead to attempt to flirt with modern knowledge yet tentatively clutches at the straws of ancient ignorance through a disheartening fear of their own mortality.

If you think that that is harsh, ask a “moderate” Christian if they believe in the story of Adam and Eve, Noah’s Ark, if they subscribe to everything mentioned in Leviticus.

I would be willing to bet my left testicle that they present to you a caveat.

The “moderate” Christians will look you in the eye and tell you that their god didn’t answer their prayer for a child dying of leukaemia because it was “his will”, yet will happily turn around and claim that their prayer for rain or the success of a friends child at a job interview was granted.

Doesn’t sound like the will of an omnipotent being to me.

Of course we know better than to stone homosexuals and adulterers to death in this day and age (do we?), though yes, this man called Jesus died and rose again, turned water into wine and raised a man from the dead…

Yes, of course, and bushfires, earthquakes, tsunamis and the like can’t be explained by science – they are of course a sign from a sky pixie unhappy with same sex attraction, abortion or an atheist Prime Minister.

Personally, I am excited about the elevation of Julia Gillard to the office of Prime Minister of Australia.

I don’t give a toss that she is a woman (or more importantly, a ranga), unmarried and childless – how do any of those things impact on the ability of a person to conduct themselves in the best interests of the nation?

They don’t, but we are, of course, going to see the tired old clichés that revolve around such issues wheeled out ad infinitum by the unthinking majority; particularly those of a conservative bent.

Such ignorance has already been displayed by a percentage of those commenting on a humourous article by Carrie Miller on The Punch:

http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/gillard-is-doing-it-for-all-the-unmarried-barren-atheists/

Miller is obviously pre-empting the drivel that will be sprouted by the ignoramuses who actually seem to genuinely believe that ones contribution to society can be mesaured by the amount of children they have or their dedication to “traditional Xian values”.

To those “good Christian people” who would argue that Gillard being unmarried and childless poses a threat to the very fabric of society, renders her somehow unfit to govern, I would ask one simple question:

- How many of their popes over the past several hundred of years have been married or fathered and raised children?

I suppose that that is where I feel that the bleating about those matters should be put to bed.

Onto the mumblings about Ms Gillard’s alleged atheism or agnosticism.

Why does that matter either?

In the 2006 Census, the religious affiliations (or lack thereof) of Australians was recorded like this (courtesy of abs.gov.au):

Total Xians – 12,685,836

of the total Xians, the following denominations were somewhat lacking in numbers:

Baptist    316,738
Jehovah’s Witnesses    80,919
Mormons    53,199
Hillsong    219,689
Salvation Army    64,200
Seventh-day Adventist    55,251
Uniting Church    1,135,427

A total of 1,925,423 vocal Xian minorities.

Of the non Xians, there were:

148,119 Hindus, 340,392 Muslims and 88,831 Jews.

Those who identified as having no religion number an impressive 3,706,555 and those who don’t list a religious affiliation are at 2,223,957.

In all, there are more “heathens” in Australia than there are Hindus, Muslims, Jews and fundamentalist Xians combined.

You will often hear politicians trotting out the loathsome adage that we are apparently a “Christian nation”, yet the figures don’t bear that out – particularly when one considers that less than 20% of all Xians in this country attend church on a regular basis.

Personally I feel that a lack of religious affiliation is a positive in a leader, particularly when the alternative option has allowed his fundemantalist Catholic views to influence his policy making when he was health minister under Howard and tried to prevent the legal use of RU486, the “abortion drug”.

Certainly, when Tony Abbott, the “Mad Monk” has also gone on the record saying that he “feels threatened” by homosexuals becayse they challenge “orthodox notions of the right order of things”.

http://www.news.com.au/national/tony-abbott-gay-people-challenge-right-order-of-things/story-e6frfkvr-1225838477260

Do we really want to go down the George W Bush path of allowing the separation of church and state to become so blurred with a Prime Minister who will allow his policy decisions to be shaped by his unwavering belief in superstitions from several thousand years past?

Do we want to regress and enter a dark age in a modern Australia whereby homosexuals are demonised, woman are not permitted to make their own choices – or do we want a progressive, modern Australia where reason and logic are valued above superstition?

Had Rudd stayed in power, I would have been unable to vote for either of the major parties and would have parked my vote as a protest, somewhere else.

Now that we have a clear and decisive choice – between a strong, dedicated, hard working, pragmatic, disciplined ranga and an emotional, superstitious, fundamentalist loose cannon – my decision has been made quite easy.

My tip – Labor with an increased majority at the next election (to be held in August).

PS – I reckon that Julia would look a lot better in budgie smugglers as well