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	<title>@leapingjudas - unhinged and uncensored &#187; Poetry</title>
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		<title>The bastard from the bush &#8211; Henry Lawson</title>
		<link>http://www.houseofjudas.com/unhinged-and-uncensored/index.php/poetry/the-bastard-from-the-bush-henry-lawson/</link>
		<comments>http://www.houseofjudas.com/unhinged-and-uncensored/index.php/poetry/the-bastard-from-the-bush-henry-lawson/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:15:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Judas</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Poetry]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.houseofjudas.com/unhinged-and-uncensored/?p=46</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[May pangs of windy spasms through your bowels dart, may you shit your fucking trousers every time you try to fart]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>One of my favourite poems &#8211; <strong>&#8220;The bastard from the bush&#8221;</strong>, allegedly written by Henry Lawson.</p>
<p>It would seem to be a parody of  &#8220;The captain of the push&#8221;, which was attributed to Lawson and it is claimed that the lewder version was also penned by him, though he chose not to put his name to is.</p>
<p>Enjoy.</p>
<blockquote><p>As the night was slowly falling over city, town and bush,<br />
From a slum in Bludgers Alley came the Captain of the Push,<br />
And his whistle loud and piercing roused the echoes of the Rocks,<br />
And a dozen ghouls came slouching round the corners of the blocks.</p>
<p>Then the Captain jerked a finger at a stranger on the kerb<br />
Whom he qualified politely with an adjective and verb.<br />
Then he made the introduction: &#8216;Here&#8217;s a covey from the bush-<br />
Fuck me blind, he wants to join us, be a member of the Push.&#8217;</p>
<p>Then the stranger made this answer to the Captain of the Push,<br />
&#8216;Why, fuck me dead, I&#8217;m Foreskin Fred, the bastard from the bush.<br />
&#8216;I&#8217;ve been in every two-up school from Darwin to the &#8216;Loo,<br />
&#8216;I&#8217;ve ridden colts and black gins, what more can a bastard do.&#8217;</p>
<p>&#8216;Are you game to smash a window?&#8217; asked the Captain of the Push.<br />
&#8216;I&#8217;d knock a fucking house down,&#8217; said the bastard from the bush.<br />
&#8216;Would you take a maiden&#8217;s baby?&#8217; said the Captain of the Push.<br />
&#8216;I&#8217;d take a baby&#8217;s maiden,&#8217; said the bastard from the bush.</p>
<p>&#8216;Would you dong a bloody copper if you caught the cunt alone,<br />
Would you stoush a swell or Chinkie, split his garret with a stone?<br />
Would you have a moll to keep you, would you swear off work for good?&#8217;<br />
&#8216;What? Live on prostitution? My fucken oath I would!&#8217;</p>
<p>&#8216;Would you care to have a gasper?&#8217; said the Captain of the Push.<br />
&#8216;I&#8217;ll take the bloody packet,&#8217; said the bastard from the bush.<br />
Then the Pushites all took counsel, saying, &#8216;Fuck me, but he&#8217;s game.<br />
&#8216;Let&#8217;s make him our star basher, he&#8217;ll live up to his name.&#8217;</p>
<p>So they took him to their hideout, that bastard from the bush,<br />
And they granted him all privileges appertaining to the Push.<br />
But soon they found his little ways were more than they could stand,<br />
And finally the Captain thus addressed his little band.</p>
<p>&#8216;Now listen here, you buggers, we&#8217;ve caught a fucking tartar,<br />
At every kind of bludging, that bastard is a starter,<br />
At poker and at two-up, he&#8217;s shook our fucking rolls,<br />
he swipes our fucking liquor, and he fucks our fucking molls.&#8217;</p>
<p>So down in Bludgers Alley all the members of the Push<br />
Laid a dark and dirty ambush for the bastard from the bush.<br />
But against the wall of Riley&#8217;s pub, the bastard made a stand,<br />
A nasty grin upon his dial, a bike-chain in each hand.</p>
<p>They sprang upon him in a bunch, but one by one they fell,<br />
With crack of bone, unearthly groan, and agonising yell,<br />
Till the sorely-battered Captain, spitting teeth and gouts of blood,<br />
Held an ear all torn and bleeding in a hand bedaubed with mud.</p>
<p>&#8216;You low polluted bastard,&#8217; snarled the Captain of the Push,<br />
&#8216;Get back to where your sort belong, that&#8217;s somewhere in the bush:<br />
And I hope heaps of misfortune may soon tumble down on you,<br />
May some lousy harlot dose you till your bollocks turn sky-blue.</p>
<p>May pangs of windy spasms through your bowels dart,<br />
May you shit your fucking trousers every time you try to fart,<br />
May you take a swig of gin&#8217;s piss, mistaking it for beer,<br />
May the next push you impose on toss you out upon your ear.</p>
<p>May the itching piles torment you, may corns grow on your feet,<br />
May crabs as big as spiders attack your balls a treat,<br />
Then when you&#8217;re down and outed, to a dismal fucking wreck,<br />
May you slip back through your arsehole, and break your fucking neck.&#8217;</p></blockquote>
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